Spoiler alert: This is not all about growing the top line, or the bottom line in your biz….
Let’s talk about growing your heart line instead…
First, the back story…
It’s been a little tradition of mine to get back into writing mojo on New Year’s Eve – having a recap on all the amazing and not so amazing things that have happened during a year (you can check out such a post here)
Growth, and resilience are all about choice
I pride myself on being a fairly resilient gluten free organic free range nugget.
A life of “bring it on’s” tends to does that. And to be fair, despite all the lemons, I have a really nice lemonade life. I really have nothing to complain about. I’m alive. I have all the required body parts and my brain still works (well, except in car parks – then it’s a bit off). I have amazing kids, and amazing such amazing heart filled honest and funny friends.
Yet after a rather big cash outlay to solve a problem of no first world heating and cooling, I found myself starting 2018 feeling the weight of all the things. You know the things… single parenthood, coparenting coordination, business goals, worrying if I’d survive, pay the mortgage, do the ballet runs, the soccer runs mcgyver kids locked in bedrooms out with nothing but a teaspoon or an egg beater (True story), work out what the frog a solenoid is…
I found myself facing a fear larger than a fear of frogs . My fear of being vulnerable. Of being ok with feeling all the feels – especially sadness. It scares me. I found myself starting this year crying. Under the pressure. Pressure of trying to be all the things for all the people – the main one – being strong. And feeling that maybe, I had become so strong, that I was at risk of never being soft. So I cried. Like ugly cried cried. I ugly cried right the ocean, until I felt better. Then I remembered the choice I make.
It’s making a choice to fall down twice, get up three times (or as many times as you need)
You know how Sesame Street choose a word for the day? Well I decided to choose a word for the year, and that is where things started to turn around. It’s only upon writing this that I have realised how much that word has actually been manifested into my life this year.
I chose the word nurture. Choosing to nurture those around me, and nurture myself – energetically, emotionally, spiritually. And that meant being vulnerable and being brave. Not just in some areas of my life where I had it down pat (like the professional space), but in the personal space, too.
Enter my close knit circle of extra special friends – or as I like to refer to them – my fauxmily. You know, the family that are part of the same forest, just a different tree. They were my safe space as I dropped walls, set boundaries, let go, levelled up, and owned my self worth. Not the worth of my business brain or anything monetary – more what I am worthy of receiving, and being conscious to allow it.
It’s making a choice to allow the receiving of good, heart felt things
And man, did 2018 deliver on that front. Which is where I need to kick into bullet list mode of all the amazing things that happened this year after that conscious choice to nurture and allow things in. So here goes the bullet list.
All the heart felt things that happened in 2018…
- Adventure got nurtured…with a Thelma and Louise style trip of a lifetime. My beautiful friend Julia and I roadtripped to a mastermind in Vegas. That my friends, was nothing short of incredible. There are so many ways to life your life, and make a living. There are so many more ways than the 9-5 box. You just have to believe.
- Stillness got nurtured...by sitting on a rock ledge in the Grand Canyon. Nothing short of an earth-scaped ocean – the vastness is nothing like I have ever seen in my life. Top it off with the best nachos I have ever eaten in my life at El Tovar with Samantha Parker and Julia Kerr at sunset, and it would be fair to say – experiencing stillness amongst greatness is a bucket list item that has been ticked,
- Healing got nurtured by trying Kiniseology – which I knew nothing about. Turns out I hadn’t grieved for my older sister, and what happened next was a flood of tears for about two weeks straight as I reconciled the fact that I went on autopilot as my daughter was born and “my person” died some nine years ago. Sometimes you put things into storage. It’s good to bring them out, and deal with it one way or another
- Boundaries got nurtured….(that is a book one, so, apologies, but you’ll have to wait to read about it – I ladyballsed up though and faced some ghosts of the past)
- Family got nurtured with taking the kids to Thailand and Singapore. Bathing an elephant at an Elephant Rescue Sanctuary was just amazing. Being in Thailand with my best friend and 16 others was incredible. We all got sick. We all took care of each other and each other’s kids. People are good.
- Soul got nurtured. That ocean dunking that started – that turned in to learning how to surf. It turned in to winter swims in the ocean to clear the mind and get grounded. It turned into learning how to let go of what does not serve you well. I like this grounded me. It feels good.
- The bod got nurtured. I decided I deserved a smokin hot bod. I tried hydrotherapy. Yep. The water in your butt stuff. Can’t get much more awkward than talking about projects while that is going down. The theory behind it is that we hold all our emotions in our gut. We also hold a ton of built up stuff – emotional or otherwise. I believe this really helped reset my eating and my body, and probably release a ton of emotional stuff too. If you want to know more, hit me up on email.
- The bod got nurtured- again. My beautiful PT Jamie has been with me for 3 years, She’s seen it all in the gym – the ups, the downs, the sideways (girl, I still can’t grapevine!) 20kgs gone after the blow out post bikini comp prep, and maintained. Have not felt this good since pre kids.
- The heart got nurtured (well through all these experiences really) I got to witness a few of my friends experience real love. If you don’t think it exists, it does. I’m so happy for them. I’m on their sideline, with my bucket of popcorn watching some of the best love stories I have ever got to witness, and its beautiful. You will always, always find what you are looking for – so look carefully for the light in others, and believe. There are good people out there – I’ve seen them. I’ve met them. The world is a better place for them being in it.
- The joy got nurtured….I got to write a book. I know it’s not out yet, but it is in revision being polished into something. It was like reclaiming that childhood dream and saying “I am a writer”
- My purpose got nurtured I got to support I think close to 160 women this year through entrepreneur programs. Ladies, seeing your lights switch on and shine is something that keeps me going. It is an honour and a privilege to see you bloom, connect, grow and do the most amazing things.
- My awkward bravery got nurtured. Yes. that’s right. I put myself back out there. The reward of joy does not come without the risk of pain. You can learn a lot about alignment between words and actions of your self and of others. In the space of a coffee, you can learn what you do and don’t stand for and whether when you are tested on those lessons in self worth you will pass or fail
It’s making a choice to allow your self to be nurtured and grow
I guess sometimes they are called growing pains for a reason. Yet if you are gentle with your self and gentle with others going through things, there is magic to be found.
I’m so excited about 2019. And my word for the year? Well, it might just have to be love. Love life in the right ways and I’m pretty sure life will love you right back in all the right ways too.
Let me know what got nurtured in 2018 for you and what you want 2019 to feel like.